my footprints

Thursday, March 27, 2008

"A STRUGGLE TO LOVE"

i was really touched by yanying's msg 2 days ago. strangely, our inner journeys seemed to be rather similar as we both embarked on our individual roads to greater breakthroughs in relating deeper to others. it is indeed divinely amazing to also realise that we are significantly involved in this phase of interdependency in each other's lives.

something that she mentioned in her sms which set me thinking quite a bit. with regards to how conscious we are in accepting that friendships could be shared, but in a different manner. our sub-conscious feelings of jealousy, envy & perhaps, bitterness within our inner selves.

more often than not, i find it difficult to let go and to trust a friendship wholeheartedly as much as i want to. i can't help but to first want to safeguard myself, in the fear of being hurt, in the fear of being rejected, in the fear of having to face situations alone. which is sometimes, i thought it would be so much better to know that i can face everything by myself instead of wanting another someone to walk my life journeys.

i mean, we are human beings after all. which human being would want to be alone? we know the truth well enough. none. God made us for fellowship and we live to relate to each other. i don't deny that i do put on a brave front so that i am still the same bubbly self during moments when i start to think that i may be getting myself more emotionally involved than i want to.

i don't just mean this in the light of a boy-girl relationship, in fact i'm just talking about friendships alone. but true enough, there are some people's lives which i'm afraid to enter into. well, not that i don't want to. but it is just that i can't bear to think of the consequences if i should enter into a very fragile and personal part of her life, and i am not able to commit to playing a significant part in our friendship, then i would disappoint her instead.

LOVE seems like such a simple word, yet there's so much weight to it that it is difficult to fathom at times. but since loving is from God, i'll do whatever it takes to learn how to love, even in situations where i don't want to or in areas where i can't bring myself to.

"the relationship between you & me is just different. it is different not because i love you more that all the others. but it is because you cannot be replaced by anyone else. do know that you will always have a place in my heart, a different place from the rest!"

thank you my dear tianxin for your humble yet heartwarming & sincere sms :)

she pens down @ 12:46 AM --------------------------------------------------------------