my footprints

Monday, January 07, 2008

after the past few weeks of wedding prep, the sense of lostness in direction seemed to have hit me again. i don't know if it is about the consecutive days of being with the team or am i truly missing serving the little ones. or maybe its both.

its been 3 months since i left david club. i thank God that through the absence of serving david club and having to wake up in wee hours on sundays, i've been getting more rest, spending more time with my family and getting more up-to-date with my work. it is a good thing for me, really. haven't felt like i was too physically and emotionally taxed.

but after these 3 months, i come to realise that i miss serving in this platform A LOT. i would like very much to go back and serve, perhaps even considering to take up worship. after all, that was what ps jasmine offered the last time. the sense of missing seems to hurt a lot. the thought of the emotional struggles i had when i chose to give this up just brought back tears again.

maybe it would be selfish to think that if i choose to go back to david club, i would perhaps lessen my commitment to the cell's success. or perhaps it would mean compromising on my physical & emotional well-being for the other areas of my life. maybe it would be wrong of me to divide my commitment and responsibilities between ministry and areas of interest.

it is really difficult to deal with what my mind thinks and how my heart feels. it is also harder to deal with these when i need to be in line with what God wants. it is totally confusing.

i don't understand why i am feeling like this. neither do i know why i'm facing this over and over again. but i really don't want to miss out on God's plans for me.

dear God,
what is it that you really want?

she pens down @ 12:03 AM --------------------------------------------------------------